why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
