used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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