Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
