Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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