dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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