I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm passing your future prison.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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