Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
