i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She bit a glass in half.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
