I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
