I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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