I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
