How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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