I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
