do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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