My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
