I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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