To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
