I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
