Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
