I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
