yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
