How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
