Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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