Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
