Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
