Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
foreskin is a definite game changer
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
