This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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