I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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