i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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