I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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