You were right. It hurts to walk today.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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