Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
