Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
