thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
