Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
