it was like his penis was on wheels.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
