im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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