dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
