and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
