I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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