My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
