mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
