your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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