i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
