Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
