I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
