I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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