If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
