just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
