he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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