T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
